Indian American Wins Miss America, Marks Downfall of Civilization As We Know It

Sparkle, sparkle, BITCHES. (From Abc News)

 

Did you know some Indian chick calling herself “Miss New York” actually got to WIN the holiest and most important competition in this great country?! The MISS AMERICA PAGEANT?!! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO!>>!>!KJSGNDKHSH

Just when you think people are getting a little bit more open-minded, THIS of all things explodes into racist stupidity.

People are genuinely upset an Indian-AMERICAN Nina Davuluri won the Miss America Pageant. Let’s ignore the fact that she had won all the other competitions up until the now so her being *whispers* Indian is not a secret. Or that she was BORN in New York, which makes her a citizen. Or that her dad came here 30yrs ago and is a respected doctor and not Apu from the Kwik E Mart.  This all comes down to one clear fact: She does not look like a stereotypical American.

And I am here to say this: GET. THE FUCK. OVER IT. There are other people who are American that are not just black or white. There are these other people, like Latinos, Asians, Native Americans, and a whole mess of other ethnicities who also live in this country.

Just because she is Indian doesn’t mean she’s Arabic or a Muslim (although her religious freedom is a constitutional right).

Just because she’s  brown doesn’t mean she automatically means she’s foreigner. “OMG, how did an INDIAN win? This is AMERICA.” It’s because there is such a thing as Indian-Americans, douchebag.

9-11 has nothing to do with a fucking beauty contest. Stop trivializing the tragedy of 9-11 because you can’t handle a brown person winning. Also, I’m pretty sure you can’t be a terrorist and a beauty queen. I think that breaks some kind of jihad rule.

 

Here is the moral of the story. As an Asian (other Asian, not Indian), I am proud to see my sub-continental people represents. Let’s not forget that a MOST of the winners of Miss America are white. There has only been 8 African American winners and only 2 Asian winners (the previous one being Miss Hawaii, a Filipina in 2001) in the history of the pageant dating back to 1922. And considering “minorities” will out number the majority, people better start getting used to it. The racial landscape of America is changing, people.

 

RANT: DID YOU KNOW FRUIT ROLL-UPS HAS SUGAR IN THEM?! LIKE A LOTS?!?!?!?!

WARNING: NOT THAT HEALTHY FOR YOU. (Image from Real Fun Food)

As much as I am a people hater, judger and avoider, I try my best to be polite in public. I keep my thoughts and judgements to myself because I know it’s none of my business. But I am fully aware not everyone is like that and some people are completely d!cks. Some people including the man who thought it was necessary to approach and inform me that my fruit snacks in my cart are full of sugar.

Let me set this situation up for you. It’s a Friday afternoon, I am standing in the snack aisle literally buying 5 boxes of Gushers, Fruit Roll-Ups and Fruit by the Foot. I’m looking at the boxes one by one to make sure I am getting the ones for sale (a MUST BUY 5 sale). Random dude stops to inform me “Miss, you do know those fruit snacks have a lot of sugar in them?” I keep looking at my box because if I look him in the eye I might bash his face in with some Gushers. I say “I. KNOW.” and the man leaves only to turn back to check a box on the shelf for me. “Oh, I guess its not that much sugar.” By this time, I am GLARING at him as he turns to walk away.

How have you ever been in a situation where you encounter such WTFness that you have a deer-in-the-headlights moment? That you are seething instead of saying something? And then, when you finally leave or get home or sober up only to get ULTRA MAD when you fully realize what happened?

That’s what is happening to me right now and since I can’t hunt this fucker down and force Fruit by the Foot down his throat, I am going to write him a nice internet letter.

Dear Jackass,

THANK YOU for educating me in the sugar content of the snacks I was buying. I COMPLETELY DID NOT KNOW that these products were not that good for you! I mean, it says “Made with Real Fruit” on the box, you would think they were SUPER DUPER healthy! You must be telepathic because I definitely wasn’t talking out loud about how grateful I am that God made Gushers. You must of read the expression on my face as someone who clearly needed help on their groceries.

I hope you feel like such a hero for rescuing my 27 yr old husband (whom all these snacks were for) from imminent diabetes! I know you must lay awake at night wondering if I was feeding into the obesity epidemic. I assure, you my husband is of appropriate BMI and weight, and by all accounts healthy despite the awful, AWFUL things I buy him. I’m sure you’d have a heart attack knowing I bought him (GASP!) Pringles! Don’t worry, I checked the sugar content.

I have wondered since our encounter what made me worthy of your advice. Was it that I had a cart full of sugary, fatty, processed snacks? All I had in my cart were bottles of laundry detergent, so if anything, you could assume I really loved doing laundry. Was it the way I looked, perchance? Did I look like I needed help? One could understand (although it absoFUCKINGlutely doesn’t make it right or appropriate) if I was horrible obese that I needed to be told what to eat? Except, I’m not. I’m actually underweight according to BMI. So, I still sit here and wonder.

My husband suggested you were possibly trying to talk to me, although I didn’t get that vibe at all. I got the “let me tell you about your stupidity” vibe. IF you were trying to talk to me, let me inform YOU that it was in the worst way possible. You are an IDIOT. Also, before you try hitting on someone maybe check their hand for a ring first, because I was wearing all three of mine.

In conclusion, my white knight of sugar snacks, please go fuck yourself. It is NONE of your business or ANYBODY ELSE’S what I am buying. I can buy 5 or 500 boxes of sugar snacks. Hell, I can buy 500lbs of sugar. IT’S MY AMERICAN RIGHT to eat whatever the fuck I want. And right now, I want some gotdamn Fruit Roll-Ups.

Sincerely,

Fruit Snacks WITH LOTS AND LOTS OF SUGAR girl.

Someone Hand Me Some Money Because Apple Turned Me Into a Sex Addict

#FACT. (from http://pointsadhsblog.wordpress.com/)

Cheezits H Crackers. Right now I am facepalming SO HARD, I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to explain a bruise on Monday.

Apparently, some poor innocent THIRTY-SIX YEAR OLD man accidentally misspelled Facebook.com which directed him to the porn site Fuckbook.com  (no, i’m not going to link it, pervs) and THAT mistake, my friends, resulted in the utter collapse of his marriage and life. And because this was done on an Apple computer, clearly it makes perfect sense to go ahead and sue the company because, golly gee, they should of known to put a porn filter automatically on their browser.

Didn’t they know that porn “appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male and lead to an unwanted addiction??” C’mon Apple, this is basic science. If a man sees anything remotely sexy, of COURSE they are going to become obsessed with fucking it. I mean, how could they not? Isn’t that what a penis is for? Poor, desperate Mr. Chris Sevier couldn’t help but lose attraction for his “not 21” wife! Who can blame him when there is virtual poon at a click’s notice?! HE’S ONLY HUMAN, PEOPLE!

Of course, Mr Sevier isn’t only thinking of himself. Adding a porn filter will help “‘mom and pop’ brick and mortar shops” who are struggling to compete with their online counterparts. This move will SAVE the creepy adult porn stores that sit at the end of the street! You know, I was really worried about Mom and Pop. How are they are going to retire when big bad Internet Porn is taking their sticky money?

OR we could totally call Chris Sevier on his utter bullshit. There’s a crazy concept called free will, in which (get this) you can choose to do OR NOT DO something. Whoa, buddy. So if you felt like something is wrong, you can choose to stop. Now, this is an oversimplification of addiction. Let’s say he was a reformed sex addict (it doesn’t say he is but let’s pretend) then I can offer a bit more sympathy. He made a mistake and it triggered old habits. Well, you can still pump the brakes and not something else and go to therapy, talk to your wife, try something. Maybe your marraige will still fail. Regardless, it’s not Apple’s fault because you have no self control and can’t admit that.

Apple didn’t deliver porn stars to your house to seduce you. Just because Apple doesn’t filter doesn’t mean they endorse or are responsible for it. You know what I can get online? LOTS OF AWESOME AND MOST LIKELY ILLEGAL THINGS. Guess how many of those illegally awesome things I own? Zero. Because I have restraint. Because I have common sense. Because I know better than to blame someone else for my own stupid shit. Also, maybe because I don’t have a penis.

Oh. Hell. No.: An Artist Displays Her Period Blood for the Past Five Years for an Exhibit

This came out of someone’s hooha. (from The Daily Mail)

*BLECCCH* I think I just threw up in my mouth.

From The Daily Mail, Chilean artist Carina Ubeda collected her menses on white cloths for FIVE YEARS then hung them from the ceiling with some apples (that are suppose to represent ovulation) and called it an exhibition.

Ubeda says that she wanted to “mix art with something personal.” DM reports

For five years, Ms Ubeda kept the fabrics in a cushion. ‘I keep things because I always say, “I’ll do something with it.”‘ At first, she tried to make an artist’s book with the cloths, but said that an exhibition made more sense.

My logical self says I sort of get what Ubeda was trying to get at. She was trying to celebrate and destigmatize something that is innately feminine. Congratulations, Kotex is trying to do the same thing with their stupid commercials.

My normal self is going “EEEEEEEEEEEW WTF PERIOD BLOOD?!?!?! Bitch, are you KIDDING ME?!” I don’t hate it because it’s specifically period blood, I hate it because it’s bodily fluids that have been stored and collected for half a decade. That is just gross. The fact that it is bodily fluids that came out your vag makes it so much worse.

I should of prefaced this by saying I am very rarely grossed out by anything. I used to watch graphic surgery documentaries (for fun I might add) while eating. I scroll through subreddit r/wtf on the daily. Gore in general doesn’t phase me. However, something about bodily fluids and the fact that I intimately know all about menstruation (hello, vagina owner here) that makes cringe so hard.

What’s worse are people are trying to sniff the blood:

Fritz Demuth, the Center’s art manager, said that since the exhibition debut on Friday, many spectators have tried to smell the pieces of cloth.

‘But the smell just does not exist, [the cloths] are not filthy,’ she said, adding that to maintain hygiene, disinfectant spray was applied directly to the blood and cloth before going on display.

Oh, you sprayed it with some Purel? That makes it less trifling.

Woman Does Breatharianism Diet of Sunlight ONLY, Forgets Most People Call This Starvation

The sun is laughing at your stupidity.

Have you ever woken up one day and said to yourself “Damn, I am TIRED of eating. Food is the BANE OF MY LIFE.” No? It’s probably because you are rational person and also appreciate the flavor of a good cheese(/veggie) burger.

However, this lady in Seattle decided to try out breatharianism, which believes that all the human body only needs solar energy and (maybe) water to survive. She has given up food since May 3rd and plans to go about 4-5 months.

oO. Oo. (This is me giving the stinkeye over the internet.)

First off, let’s call it what it is: starvation. Bitch, you are starving yourself. People around the world already follow this diet and not by choice. There are people in Asia going “I would like something else in my stomach other than air.”

Second, (and this is coming from the science part of me) HUMANS ARE NOT PLANTS. We cannot photosynthesize like them. Now I could get into all the technical and snooze-inducing details about it, but our cells do not turn sunlight into energy like our green friends do. The direct proof of that is that sunlight gives humans skin cancer. Also, we have mouths. You know, to eat shit with.

We can’t lie out in the sun all day and expect to feel full and happy about it. No, we sweat, get dehydrated and turn a bright pink color.

I don’t know why anyone would call even attempt this seeing at least FOUR people have tried it and died even though there are thousands of (supposed) breatharianisms internationally.

My guess? Sunlight is a code word for cookies and water is code for vodka.