I’m Pretty Sure Karl Lagerfield Just Trolled Kim Kardashian

Does anyone else find it quite suspicious that since Kim’s been out of the spotlight taking care of her baby East South Wild North West, Lamar Odom is suddenly in rehab for a crack addiction? I’m not saying Kris Jenner planned this but….actually that’s exactly what I’m saying.

Okay, getting back on topic here: Kim Kardashian. Specifically, Kim Kardashian photographed by Karl Lagerfeld.

I fully admit, I am no fan of Kim Kardashian or any of the family who famously ruined the letter K. However, being as unbiased as I can be, these pictures are absolutely AWFUL. I think they are meant to be artistically weird, but I think good ole Karl trolled the hell out of Kim K.  I imagine the conversation went like this:

I don’t even know…. (from Celeb Baby Laundry)

Karl Lagerfeld: I have a brilliant idea. How about we smear some jam on you? ALL over you? Let’s make you look like a jam addict!
Kim K: Um..ok. Is that supposed to represent something?
KL: Of course! It represents…um…love. Yes! Love and love of babies because jam has the consistency of baby food so it’s a commentary of your pregnancy!!
KK: I can totally see it! I think…
KL: And we’ll sit you in front of a wall full of pink warts!! I am creating magic here!! I’m thinking for the next shot, TLC pajamas and pink gloves. You know, for the baby.
KK: Pajamas would be comfy…
KL: And you need to slouch. We want you to look as unflattering as possible. You know, as a satire of the media attention on your weight gain!
KK: But doesn’t that make me look even bigger?
KL: I don’t think you understand the MAGIC I’m trying to create here!!!!!

As you can see, I’ve given a lot of thought to do this.  The only reasonable explanation I can come up with is KK did whatever Karl Lagerfeld wanted because, he’s Karl FUCKING Lagerfeld, world renown Chanel designer. As a result, this wtfness has been captured on film for all eternity. I’m already embarrassed for her kid.

Oh. Hell. No.: An Artist Displays Her Period Blood for the Past Five Years for an Exhibit

This came out of someone’s hooha. (from The Daily Mail)

*BLECCCH* I think I just threw up in my mouth.

From The Daily Mail, Chilean artist Carina Ubeda collected her menses on white cloths for FIVE YEARS then hung them from the ceiling with some apples (that are suppose to represent ovulation) and called it an exhibition.

Ubeda says that she wanted to “mix art with something personal.” DM reports

For five years, Ms Ubeda kept the fabrics in a cushion. ‘I keep things because I always say, “I’ll do something with it.”‘ At first, she tried to make an artist’s book with the cloths, but said that an exhibition made more sense.

My logical self says I sort of get what Ubeda was trying to get at. She was trying to celebrate and destigmatize something that is innately feminine. Congratulations, Kotex is trying to do the same thing with their stupid commercials.

My normal self is going “EEEEEEEEEEEW WTF PERIOD BLOOD?!?!?! Bitch, are you KIDDING ME?!” I don’t hate it because it’s specifically period blood, I hate it because it’s bodily fluids that have been stored and collected for half a decade. That is just gross. The fact that it is bodily fluids that came out your vag makes it so much worse.

I should of prefaced this by saying I am very rarely grossed out by anything. I used to watch graphic surgery documentaries (for fun I might add) while eating. I scroll through subreddit r/wtf on the daily. Gore in general doesn’t phase me. However, something about bodily fluids and the fact that I intimately know all about menstruation (hello, vagina owner here) that makes cringe so hard.

What’s worse are people are trying to sniff the blood:

Fritz Demuth, the Center’s art manager, said that since the exhibition debut on Friday, many spectators have tried to smell the pieces of cloth.

‘But the smell just does not exist, [the cloths] are not filthy,’ she said, adding that to maintain hygiene, disinfectant spray was applied directly to the blood and cloth before going on display.

Oh, you sprayed it with some Purel? That makes it less trifling.

I Don’t Understand Baby Mugging…Probably Because I Have No Soul

I have something for your morning coffee….. (via Buzzfeed)

I will start this post by saying I do not have a child. I do not know the joys of motherhood, the heartwarming feeling of a baby wrapping its hand around my finger or the instant love for something that has burst forth from my vagina.

Therefore, I don’t understand the latest trend of baby-mugging.

If you don’t know, baby mugging is when you take a picture of your baby (/dog/cat/burrito) and it looks like they are in your mug. For some reason unbeknownst to me, it’s supposed to be really cute.

I can understand that baby = cute.

Mug = not cute/normal/meh/wtf am I judging a mug’s cuteness for?

How does Baby + Mug = TOTES ADORBS!!! 😀

Maybe it’s the cynic in me (or the fact I feel nothing for children, but that’s another story), but this looks less adorable and more horrific than anything else.

Why is your kid drowning? Are you a baby eater? Are you about to throw your beverage onto your child? These are the burning questions I have. Or you could explain exactly why this is supposed to be cute, because I JUST DON’T GET IT.

 

Look What I found: Pinterest Edition

No thanks, Mr. Lifeguard. I’m totally just waiting for her to save herself.