RANT: DID YOU KNOW FRUIT ROLL-UPS HAS SUGAR IN THEM?! LIKE A LOTS?!?!?!?!

WARNING: NOT THAT HEALTHY FOR YOU. (Image from Real Fun Food)

As much as I am a people hater, judger and avoider, I try my best to be polite in public. I keep my thoughts and judgements to myself because I know it’s none of my business. But I am fully aware not everyone is like that and some people are completely d!cks. Some people including the man who thought it was necessary to approach and inform me that my fruit snacks in my cart are full of sugar.

Let me set this situation up for you. It’s a Friday afternoon, I am standing in the snack aisle literally buying 5 boxes of Gushers, Fruit Roll-Ups and Fruit by the Foot. I’m looking at the boxes one by one to make sure I am getting the ones for sale (a MUST BUY 5 sale). Random dude stops to inform me “Miss, you do know those fruit snacks have a lot of sugar in them?” I keep looking at my box because if I look him in the eye I might bash his face in with some Gushers. I say “I. KNOW.” and the man leaves only to turn back to check a box on the shelf for me. “Oh, I guess its not that much sugar.” By this time, I am GLARING at him as he turns to walk away.

How have you ever been in a situation where you encounter such WTFness that you have a deer-in-the-headlights moment? That you are seething instead of saying something? And then, when you finally leave or get home or sober up only to get ULTRA MAD when you fully realize what happened?

That’s what is happening to me right now and since I can’t hunt this fucker down and force Fruit by the Foot down his throat, I am going to write him a nice internet letter.

Dear Jackass,

THANK YOU for educating me in the sugar content of the snacks I was buying. I COMPLETELY DID NOT KNOW that these products were not that good for you! I mean, it says “Made with Real Fruit” on the box, you would think they were SUPER DUPER healthy! You must be telepathic because I definitely wasn’t talking out loud about how grateful I am that God made Gushers. You must of read the expression on my face as someone who clearly needed help on their groceries.

I hope you feel like such a hero for rescuing my 27 yr old husband (whom all these snacks were for) from imminent diabetes! I know you must lay awake at night wondering if I was feeding into the obesity epidemic. I assure, you my husband is of appropriate BMI and weight, and by all accounts healthy despite the awful, AWFUL things I buy him. I’m sure you’d have a heart attack knowing I bought him (GASP!) Pringles! Don’t worry, I checked the sugar content.

I have wondered since our encounter what made me worthy of your advice. Was it that I had a cart full of sugary, fatty, processed snacks? All I had in my cart were bottles of laundry detergent, so if anything, you could assume I really loved doing laundry. Was it the way I looked, perchance? Did I look like I needed help? One could understand (although it absoFUCKINGlutely doesn’t make it right or appropriate) if I was horrible obese that I needed to be told what to eat? Except, I’m not. I’m actually underweight according to BMI. So, I still sit here and wonder.

My husband suggested you were possibly trying to talk to me, although I didn’t get that vibe at all. I got the “let me tell you about your stupidity” vibe. IF you were trying to talk to me, let me inform YOU that it was in the worst way possible. You are an IDIOT. Also, before you try hitting on someone maybe check their hand for a ring first, because I was wearing all three of mine.

In conclusion, my white knight of sugar snacks, please go fuck yourself. It is NONE of your business or ANYBODY ELSE’S what I am buying. I can buy 5 or 500 boxes of sugar snacks. Hell, I can buy 500lbs of sugar. IT’S MY AMERICAN RIGHT to eat whatever the fuck I want. And right now, I want some gotdamn Fruit Roll-Ups.

Sincerely,

Fruit Snacks WITH LOTS AND LOTS OF SUGAR girl.