I’m Pretty Sure Karl Lagerfield Just Trolled Kim Kardashian

Does anyone else find it quite suspicious that since Kim’s been out of the spotlight taking care of her baby East South Wild North West, Lamar Odom is suddenly in rehab for a crack addiction? I’m not saying Kris Jenner planned this but….actually that’s exactly what I’m saying.

Okay, getting back on topic here: Kim Kardashian. Specifically, Kim Kardashian photographed by Karl Lagerfeld.

I fully admit, I am no fan of Kim Kardashian or any of the family who famously ruined the letter K. However, being as unbiased as I can be, these pictures are absolutely AWFUL. I think they are meant to be artistically weird, but I think good ole Karl trolled the hell out of Kim K.  I imagine the conversation went like this:

I don’t even know…. (from Celeb Baby Laundry)

Karl Lagerfeld: I have a brilliant idea. How about we smear some jam on you? ALL over you? Let’s make you look like a jam addict!
Kim K: Um..ok. Is that supposed to represent something?
KL: Of course! It represents…um…love. Yes! Love and love of babies because jam has the consistency of baby food so it’s a commentary of your pregnancy!!
KK: I can totally see it! I think…
KL: And we’ll sit you in front of a wall full of pink warts!! I am creating magic here!! I’m thinking for the next shot, TLC pajamas and pink gloves. You know, for the baby.
KK: Pajamas would be comfy…
KL: And you need to slouch. We want you to look as unflattering as possible. You know, as a satire of the media attention on your weight gain!
KK: But doesn’t that make me look even bigger?
KL: I don’t think you understand the MAGIC I’m trying to create here!!!!!

As you can see, I’ve given a lot of thought to do this.  The only reasonable explanation I can come up with is KK did whatever Karl Lagerfeld wanted because, he’s Karl FUCKING Lagerfeld, world renown Chanel designer. As a result, this wtfness has been captured on film for all eternity. I’m already embarrassed for her kid.

Epic Meltdown Battles: BIEBER vs. BYNES

At least they both love red beanies.

It seems to me Justin Beiber and Amanda Bynes are having a unspoken race on who can have the most spectacular meltdown.  Who is going to rehab next? Who is going to have the next profanity-laden tweet against “haters?” Whose going to have the next awkward interview on Good Morning America?!?! The suspense is killing me, so let’s see how these two crazies stack up:

Justin “L0ok how grown I am” Beiber

• Still internationally famous
• Only 19, so I have to cut him a little slack. All of us have done plenty of stupid things at 19.
• Tried to smuggle a monkey into Germany. Clearly failed at it.
• Tries to fight everyone, although I’m fairly certain he’s never actually had to resort to fisticuffs. Because, you know, he’s Canadian. Also he’s a scrawny kid screaming behind bodyguards.
• Loves being shirtless for no reason. I’m starting to think he has a personal vendetta against them.

Amanda “What happened to her?!” Bynes (Seriously, what DID happen to her?)

• is 27 which means she should know better.
• Thinks asking people to murder her vagina is a legitimate request.
• Supposedly as a clothing line AND a fragrance coming out. Not sure who wants to smell like a DUI and wigs.
• Possibly dyed her hair a sexy shade of Tampon Red, although claims it was imposter. (PS it’s not Halloween, so I don’t know who would want to dress up as her.)
• Started going downhill after she side-swiped a police car and got arrested for DUI. But it’s totally NOT true.  (WINK)
• Got double cheek piercings because both sides need to match.
• Proclaimed she retired, then sort of didn’t. Who do you think you are, Brett Favre?

Okay, after tallying up all the points, I’m going to say Bynes is going to win this and maybe go all Lohan-esque on us. Bieber, on the other hand, is having some weird teenage angst going on because puberty just does that to you. Even if/when he does go insane in the membrane, he’s young and famous enough where he can recover and grow up a little. Bynes has her… SIGH… clothing line. Seriously, what is with celebrities and clothing lines? There are legit people who went to school for fashion and being (sort of) famous doesn’t make you an expert on what looks good. If Rihanna can’t make it work, what makes you think you can, Amanda?!

Xtina Heard My Prayers, Stops Looking Like a Drag Queen

Thanks, Daily Mail.

Oh, Christina. Your entire career reads like a guide of What Not to Wear.

But FINALLY, she has stopped battling Gwen Stefani for blondest hair paired with red hooker lips (Xtina was going to lose anyway. Gwen has been rocking that look since the 90s.) and put on some make-up that’s actually flattering. 

And she looks great! Look how fresh-faced and not brothel madam-esque she looks!

I Am Thoroughly Creeped Out by Knox Jolie-Pitt

Thanks, Daily Mail.

When I saw this picture of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s kid, I was speechless.

Look at snazzy he is! Those sunglasses! That swagger! The blazer! I didn’t even start utilizing blazers in my wardrobe till I was 25!

And what was the special occasion that warranted such an outfit? They were visiting a museum. How mundane. Knox Jolie-Pitt is already dresses better than 99% of the men I know, and he’s only FOUR, I can’t imagine what he’ll be wearing when he actually HAS to go somewhere fancy.