Rules to Twerk By.
Don’t Twerk While Stupid. (Thanks Buzzfeed)
I am going to sound like a horribly old fart, but I am OVER this twerking thing.
#1. Twerking isn’t new, it was just called freakin’ or grinding back in the day. Your parents did it before you.
#2. Don’t think that just because you can semi-shake up and down suddenly means you can dance.
And then I saw that gif above and I thought this girl has made several STUPID mistakes. There should be a list of rules for twerking. So I made some. You’re welcome.
- Don’t twerk on a door or any opening, you idiot. That includes trapdoors and windows. I’m waiting any day now for someone who twerked themselves out a window.
- Don’t twerk near open flame.
- Don’t twerk when kids are present. They don’t need to see you making a fool of yourself.
- Don’t twerk if you can’t even do a proper squat. Remember, knees behind your toes!!
- Don’t twerk upside down if you can barely dance right side up.
- Don’t twerk if you don’t have rhythm or can’t find the beat. “Dancing to the beat of your own drum” makes your ass look like it’s having a seizure.
- Leave twerking to the professionals, ie people with years of experience like strippers and video vixens.
Update: Apparently, this entire thing was a hoax staged by the venerable Jimmy Kimmel. Well played, sir, well played.
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