Indian American Wins Miss America, Marks Downfall of Civilization As We Know It

Sparkle, sparkle, BITCHES. (From Abc News)

 

Did you know some Indian chick calling herself “Miss New York” actually got to WIN the holiest and most important competition in this great country?! The MISS AMERICA PAGEANT?!! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO!>>!>!KJSGNDKHSH

Just when you think people are getting a little bit more open-minded, THIS of all things explodes into racist stupidity.

People are genuinely upset an Indian-AMERICAN Nina Davuluri won the Miss America Pageant. Let’s ignore the fact that she had won all the other competitions up until the now so her being *whispers* Indian is not a secret. Or that she was BORN in New York, which makes her a citizen. Or that her dad came here 30yrs ago and is a respected doctor and not Apu from the Kwik E Mart.  This all comes down to one clear fact: She does not look like a stereotypical American.

And I am here to say this: GET. THE FUCK. OVER IT. There are other people who are American that are not just black or white. There are these other people, like Latinos, Asians, Native Americans, and a whole mess of other ethnicities who also live in this country.

Just because she is Indian doesn’t mean she’s Arabic or a Muslim (although her religious freedom is a constitutional right).

Just because she’s  brown doesn’t mean she automatically means she’s foreigner. “OMG, how did an INDIAN win? This is AMERICA.” It’s because there is such a thing as Indian-Americans, douchebag.

9-11 has nothing to do with a fucking beauty contest. Stop trivializing the tragedy of 9-11 because you can’t handle a brown person winning. Also, I’m pretty sure you can’t be a terrorist and a beauty queen. I think that breaks some kind of jihad rule.

 

Here is the moral of the story. As an Asian (other Asian, not Indian), I am proud to see my sub-continental people represents. Let’s not forget that a MOST of the winners of Miss America are white. There has only been 8 African American winners and only 2 Asian winners (the previous one being Miss Hawaii, a Filipina in 2001) in the history of the pageant dating back to 1922. And considering “minorities” will out number the majority, people better start getting used to it. The racial landscape of America is changing, people.

 

Rules to Twerk By.

Don’t Twerk While Stupid. (Thanks Buzzfeed)

I am going to sound like a horribly old fart, but I am OVER this twerking thing.

#1. Twerking isn’t new, it was just called freakin’ or grinding back in the day. Your parents did it before you.
#2. Don’t think that just because you can semi-shake up and down suddenly means you can dance.

And then I saw that gif above and I thought this girl has made several STUPID mistakes. There should be a list of rules for twerking. So I made some. You’re welcome.

1. Don’t twerk on a door or any opening, you idiot. That includes trapdoors and windows. I’m waiting any day now for someone who twerked themselves out a window.
2. Don’t twerk near open flame.
3. Don’t twerk when kids are present. They don’t need to see you making a fool of yourself.
4. Don’t twerk if you can’t even do a proper squat. Remember, knees behind your toes!!
5. Don’t twerk upside down if you can barely dance right side up.
6. Don’t twerk if you don’t have rhythm or can’t find the beat. “Dancing to the beat of your own drum” makes your ass look like it’s having a seizure.
7. Leave twerking to the professionals, ie people with years of experience like strippers and video vixens.

Update: Apparently, this entire thing was a hoax staged by the venerable Jimmy Kimmel. Well played, sir, well played.

RANT: DID YOU KNOW FRUIT ROLL-UPS HAS SUGAR IN THEM?! LIKE A LOTS?!?!?!?!

WARNING: NOT THAT HEALTHY FOR YOU. (Image from Real Fun Food)

As much as I am a people hater, judger and avoider, I try my best to be polite in public. I keep my thoughts and judgements to myself because I know it’s none of my business. But I am fully aware not everyone is like that and some people are completely d!cks. Some people including the man who thought it was necessary to approach and inform me that my fruit snacks in my cart are full of sugar.

Let me set this situation up for you. It’s a Friday afternoon, I am standing in the snack aisle literally buying 5 boxes of Gushers, Fruit Roll-Ups and Fruit by the Foot. I’m looking at the boxes one by one to make sure I am getting the ones for sale (a MUST BUY 5 sale). Random dude stops to inform me “Miss, you do know those fruit snacks have a lot of sugar in them?” I keep looking at my box because if I look him in the eye I might bash his face in with some Gushers. I say “I. KNOW.” and the man leaves only to turn back to check a box on the shelf for me. “Oh, I guess its not that much sugar.” By this time, I am GLARING at him as he turns to walk away.

How have you ever been in a situation where you encounter such WTFness that you have a deer-in-the-headlights moment? That you are seething instead of saying something? And then, when you finally leave or get home or sober up only to get ULTRA MAD when you fully realize what happened?

That’s what is happening to me right now and since I can’t hunt this fucker down and force Fruit by the Foot down his throat, I am going to write him a nice internet letter.

Dear Jackass,

THANK YOU for educating me in the sugar content of the snacks I was buying. I COMPLETELY DID NOT KNOW that these products were not that good for you! I mean, it says “Made with Real Fruit” on the box, you would think they were SUPER DUPER healthy! You must be telepathic because I definitely wasn’t talking out loud about how grateful I am that God made Gushers. You must of read the expression on my face as someone who clearly needed help on their groceries.

I hope you feel like such a hero for rescuing my 27 yr old husband (whom all these snacks were for) from imminent diabetes! I know you must lay awake at night wondering if I was feeding into the obesity epidemic. I assure, you my husband is of appropriate BMI and weight, and by all accounts healthy despite the awful, AWFUL things I buy him. I’m sure you’d have a heart attack knowing I bought him (GASP!) Pringles! Don’t worry, I checked the sugar content.

I have wondered since our encounter what made me worthy of your advice. Was it that I had a cart full of sugary, fatty, processed snacks? All I had in my cart were bottles of laundry detergent, so if anything, you could assume I really loved doing laundry. Was it the way I looked, perchance? Did I look like I needed help? One could understand (although it absoFUCKINGlutely doesn’t make it right or appropriate) if I was horrible obese that I needed to be told what to eat? Except, I’m not. I’m actually underweight according to BMI. So, I still sit here and wonder.

My husband suggested you were possibly trying to talk to me, although I didn’t get that vibe at all. I got the “let me tell you about your stupidity” vibe. IF you were trying to talk to me, let me inform YOU that it was in the worst way possible. You are an IDIOT. Also, before you try hitting on someone maybe check their hand for a ring first, because I was wearing all three of mine.

In conclusion, my white knight of sugar snacks, please go fuck yourself. It is NONE of your business or ANYBODY ELSE’S what I am buying. I can buy 5 or 500 boxes of sugar snacks. Hell, I can buy 500lbs of sugar. IT’S MY AMERICAN RIGHT to eat whatever the fuck I want. And right now, I want some gotdamn Fruit Roll-Ups.

Sincerely,

Fruit Snacks WITH LOTS AND LOTS OF SUGAR girl.