You Need To Fail More

(From RealSimple.com)

 

Are you successful? A little too successful? Do you feel like your happiness isn’t sincere enough? 

It’s probably because you aren’t failing enough. Clearly, things are just way too gotdamn easy for you and you aren’t working hard enough. Seriously, get your shit together or else someone who is good at failing is going to be better than you. 

 

I Don’t Understand Baby Mugging…Probably Because I Have No Soul

I have something for your morning coffee….. (via Buzzfeed)

I will start this post by saying I do not have a child. I do not know the joys of motherhood, the heartwarming feeling of a baby wrapping its hand around my finger or the instant love for something that has burst forth from my vagina.

Therefore, I don’t understand the latest trend of baby-mugging.

If you don’t know, baby mugging is when you take a picture of your baby (/dog/cat/burrito) and it looks like they are in your mug. For some reason unbeknownst to me, it’s supposed to be really cute.

I can understand that baby = cute.

Mug = not cute/normal/meh/wtf am I judging a mug’s cuteness for?

How does Baby + Mug = TOTES ADORBS!!! 😀

Maybe it’s the cynic in me (or the fact I feel nothing for children, but that’s another story), but this looks less adorable and more horrific than anything else.

Why is your kid drowning? Are you a baby eater? Are you about to throw your beverage onto your child? These are the burning questions I have. Or you could explain exactly why this is supposed to be cute, because I JUST DON’T GET IT.

 

The Hottest Vodka in The World Exists & I Know What To Get My Enemies for V-Day

Have you ever thought, “I’d really like a liquor that tastes like the Devil’s tears?” Or “maybe I don’t really NEED taste buds.” Or “you know who I hate? My liver.”

Then I have found the vodka for you (really, reddit found it for you!)

Introducing this hell in a bottle:

250,000 Scovilles Naga Chilli Vodka

Naga Chilli is the hottest chilli in the world. Scovilles is the unit of heat used to measure the hotness of peppers. Personally, if I was measuring something like that I’d call it Whatthefucks as in “what the fuck did I just eat.”

“This pepper is 100,000 whathtefucks. I’d like some water please.”

I think that sounds much better.

Anyway, when the manufacturer recommends you to NOT buy this liquor and posts a waiver that says you are aware of the risks associate with it, I think you almost HAVE to buy it. (Did I mention you need wire cutters to open it? That shit is SERIOUS.) It’s like a sign with a button that says “DO NOT TOUCH THIS BUTTON.” You just gotta. 

And while I am not woman enough to buy this $50 bottle of firewater. other people have and even drank it straight. There are multiple accounts of crying, potentially semi-permanent fire aftertaste and insides melting.

Actually, maybe I will buy it and just use it in emergencies and necessary social situations:

• Fill a water gun with it and keep it bedside for intruders. I think it’s much more effective that a real gun, because the bad guys will probably ask me to just kill them after getting shot in the eyes with this.
• Putting it in annoying coworker’s coffees. Just a drop because that’s all you need for chaos. 
• Potty training children.
• See into the future.
• Breathe fire. Literally.