My New Job Makes Me Happy and I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore

(From someecards.com)

After 6 years in the same job right out of college, I finally finally got a real, PERMANENT job.

A job with full benefits including promotion potential.Needless to say, I feel like this is finally the beginning of my career.

While I enjoyed my work at my former employment, I really hated all most of the people I indirectly worked with. They were at least a decade older and therefore, in a totally different stage of life compared to me. While I was prioritizing happy hours, they were watching the stock market. This isn’t a big deal at all, but it really doesn’t make for stimulating conversation. And I suppose, decades of working had made them feel entitled when really (in my opinion) a lot of them needed to stop pretending what they were doing was akin to curing cancer.

I grew fairly irritable and angry at work, to the point where I legitimately contemplated how hard it was to strangle someone with a phone cord and get away with it (answer fairly hard unless your office has a closet or very loose ceiling tile). People just annoyed da fuq out of me. However, ever since I started at my new place, I’m happier. I enjoy my new team. I like my upper management. I am less angry and annoyed at home. And it’s creeping me (the fuck) out.

I always thought of myself as angry, pessimistic, judgmental (um, this entire blog is about unsolicited and undeserved judgement). This was my identity, and I am totally fine with it. But now, this happy shit is making me all confused. Have I always been a happy person, just angry about my situation? Had I turned into a hard, unrelenting lollipop of rage with a gooey center of contentment?   I DON’T KNOW.

Maybe all this inner turmoil is all for naught. It’s been less than month. Maybe I will learn to hate them (I sincerely hope not). Maybe I will learn to be happy at work but still maintain my criticism for the rest of the world. Maybe the next post you will see will be about how much life is awesome and you all should totally live LIFE TO THE FULLEST! Hug someone you love! Buy yourself some flowers! Bask in the sun–oh shit, it’s starting already.