I Need Internet for My Marriage to Work

For the past two weeks, I have been living without internet.

As a child of the 90’s, you would think it wouldn’t be a big deal. After all, dial-up was just a small part of our lives back then. Now? INTERNET IS EVERYTHING.

And before you think at least I have a smartphone, yes I do. A smartphone without a data plan, because my phone can run off wifi and in my logic, why pay for data when you almost always near a wifi network?? Obviously this plan doesn’t pan out when your home AND work don’t have a wireless network.

During these two weeks, I had nothing to do. No new books for my kindle, no recipes to try out. No time wasting websites. No workout videos. No gchat. So what did I do? Terrorize my husband.

Although Xbox Live was offline, he still played his games (although he lamented about how his gamer score wasn’t being updated) while I sat there bugging him. Finally, he said “You need to find a hobby, you are getting annoying.” I do have hobbies. Multiple hobbies. It just so happens, all those hobbies run on an internet connection. It was like telling me to find something to do in a blackout.

So during these trying times, I learned some things about myself and life.

• Without internet for a prolonged amount of time, my marriage will probably fail. Either I will go insane with boredom and kill my husband or my husband will be so sick of me he’ll push me down the stairs.
• I don’t know how to create my own recipes at all.
• I go to bed MUCH MUCH MUCH earlier without Reddit to read. 
• Cleaning does not make time go any faster. In fact, fuck cleaning it just makes you bitter about the more interesting things you could be doing.
• If there is a worldwide internet failure, World War III will happen within 10 minutes.
• What the hell did I do in as a kid without internet? I think I read books or watched TV. Did I even have any hobbies? I don’t know. How did I survive?!